We're all clear

So I had the HSG today. I learned two things at this appointment today. The first is that my uterus is retroverted which means the top of my uterus is tipped toward my spine, instead of straight up and down.

The second thing I learned was that Dr. Bowen had to push the dye really hard to get it to flow through the right tube. It did however, finally flow through. So everything is all clear.

Neither of those things will affect my fertility.

After I was finished I met up with a wonderful friend of mine. We had lunch and had a great conversation.

I've done a lot of reflecting over the last two weeks. I was diagnosed with PCOS in January of 2009. I've known that I've had PCOS for a whole year now. The last year has been an emotional roller coaster.

I spent a lot of time in 2009 allowing PCOS to control my life. PCOS affected every part of my life last year. It affected my decisions, my feelings and all of the things I talked about.

I have decided that 2010 will be a different year. I am going to live my life just like a normal person. I'm not going to let PCOS define me or confine me.

I also have thought a lot about the fact that I complained about how much my IUI hurt. I've come to realize that given the option, I'd go through it again if it meant meeting our child.

Today's procedure was uncomfortable but honestly, I'd go through it again if it means that we'll have a successful pregnancy.

I am coming to terms and getting more comfortable with the physical pain of all of this.

I'm slowly working on the emotional pain. A day is coming in the very near future where I need to make a decision on just how strong I can be through this storm. It's been hard for me over the last year to talk about people being pregnant or to be around people with new babies, outside of my job.

A few friends of ours are currently pregnant and their due dates are rapidly approaching. I'm praying that I will have the strength, dignity and grace to go to their showers and celebrate their pregnancies and their babies. I am truly happy for them. It's just hard when you are struggling to have the same dreams as them.

This post got pretty long. I just would like to ask a favor from all of you. I have a friend that did IVF and paid for everything out of pocket. She had positive pregnancy tests and good blood work numbers. Yesterday she found out that there was no yolk sac or fetal pole. I am devastated for her. If you could please keep her in your thoughts and prayers over the next few weeks and months, as I know it takes time to heal from a loss.